Frustration

What do you do when you are frustrated? I am not talking about the frustration that happens when you have hit 3 red lights in a row. I am talking about the frustration that sets in when you have been confused for a while and are still at a loss for an answer. Who do you become? Do you start getting mad? Do you begin to just grasp at anything, even the obviously futile, in a desperate attempt to find something that means something? Do you pray more? Or does prayer just seem to exasperate you even more? Maybe you are the type that can just block it out and becomes numb to it. Maybe you are able to drown in out in media, music, friends, reading - maybe you have a release. Maybe you don't. Maybe you just stop sleeping, even though sleep is the only reprive. Maybe you sleep all day. Are you the type that begins to become depressed. Maybe you are the type that just gets motivated towards action. Even though that action seems unguided and aimless and that just lends itself towards the increasing amount of frustration.

I am a whole lot of all of this. I have been through every one of these emotions and situations in the past eight weeks. Everything comes into question when you go through a time like this. Your faith. Your purpose. Your calling. Your friends. Your guidance. Everything all of a sudden is suspect. Nothing and no one holds the answer to your endless questions. Worship leads to a place where you want so desperately to just fall face down and bawl your eyes out before God while at the same time you want to just walk away.

Walking with God is not always easy. Why? Jesus did tell us that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. So obviously, I have possession of someone else's yoke and burden. Which one? My own? The devil's? The world? Guilt? Shame? Condemnation? Is there really an answer? I don't think that there is. It must be tied up somewhere in this whole thing that we call a relationship with our Creator. But where and more importantly - when? Ahh, that is the question is it not.

The Dark Night of the Soul. We all have to go there. We all have to face this place at some point. It is an inventory of your identity. Everything you are comes into question. Sometimes by God and sometimes by yourself. The devil he is somewhere in there too, but God is gracious enough to only allow him in at times when He knows we can handle it (and if you have ever been there/here, you realize that that is not all that often.)

God I continue to place myself, trustingly into Your hands. I am scared, frustrated and very confused. But I know that you will come through. Nothing I can do can take me out of this place. It is all in Your hands. Have continued mercy on me. Speak to me. Talk to me. Most of all change me, God. God, change my heart. Turn it more and more towards you. Turn it towards Your word. Turn it towards my true identity. Turn it yowards You and Your Kingdom. Take me to the door of the wardrobe and lead me through it. Take me to that place . . . Most of all God, don't take forever. Everyday in this place feels like hell. It feels so distant. It feels cold at night. God come through! Come to me, Fall on me, Rescue me with Your love. Come on God! I wait for You! Hear my cry! Listen to me. Don't turn Your ear away from me! Help me. - AMEN